Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
