I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
