it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
