i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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