Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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