I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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