There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
