i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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