I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
