Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am available for nakedness
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
