Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
