she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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