wrigley field is MILF paradise
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize