wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
