His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
