So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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