the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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