I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
