woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
