you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
