thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
