Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
