I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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