Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
