A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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