I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
