Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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