R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Even my vagina gasped.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
