Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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