i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
