Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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