I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
