none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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