I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
