Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
