Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
