Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he thought i was a dude.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
