So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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