I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
