I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
