if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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