white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
