Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
