Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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