last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
