what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
