This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
