I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
