Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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