if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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