I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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