I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
