I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
