In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I could fuck to npr.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
