Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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