It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
