I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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