help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize