If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
