Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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