When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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