You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
