I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
